I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
