she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
