Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
