Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
