Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
