I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
