That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
