he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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