she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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