someone threw a dead crab at me
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
it's like heaven, but drunker
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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