You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
