So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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