I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
literally had 100 drinks last night.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
