It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
