In America we eat man semen.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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