Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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