Will you blow on my dice?
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize