Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
