I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
