Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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