she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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