if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
