I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
