So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
