Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
