Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
