If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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