everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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