after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
