I puked a lego.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
