I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
