He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
