my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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