I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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