I accidentally had phone sex last night
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
