it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
