thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
