I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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