i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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