He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
