I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
