There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
