i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
