I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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