I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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