the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
