her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
