its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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