at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
she smelled like a LAN party
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
