You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
