i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
