So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
