I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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