Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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