I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
