does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
