I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
