rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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