Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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