The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
