I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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