I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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