she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I pour the whiskey from now on
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