It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
