Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
