Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
